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Dictates of his conscience rebelled

at that sort of thing. The truth is that he actually did enjoy having the relationship, and used to look forward to seeing the officer in the evenings and on weekends. Then the officer was transferred back to the states where he returned to his wife and children which put a finis to that.

By the time John's marriage was dissolved he almost automatically sought out male companions and was a well planted fixture in the gay set. He had chosen, not without some thought, what road he was going to travel, and be it rough or smooth that was the way it was going to be.

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It did not occur to me that I too was going from the heterosexual to the homosexual way of life. All I knew for sure was that I loved John more than anyone else in the world, and that was all that mattered. And John felt the same way about me. We both needed someone so desperately, so terribly much, that it came

to pass that a spiritual bond held us together as no steel cable ever could. We needed no rings or ceremony to remind us of our union.

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John lived across the nation, thousands of miles away, and he was being discharged a month and a half earlier than I. Then he would return home for awhile. He knew of my marriage, which was at that time still up in the air. The night before John left the hospital we discussed everything there was to discuss'in regard to ourselves, particularly in view of my marital situation. John was perfectly honorable. He made it definitely clear that he would never consent to being a part in breaking up a home, that I, and I alone, must determine the decision. John would go home and wait. But once I had come to a conclusion there would be no turning back either way.

Before he left John told me, "The past few months have brought me the most happiness I have even

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known. But if you feel you still love your wife and desire to go back to your family, you would do so knowing that I would wish the best for you. No one will ever be able to take away the happy, carefree times we have had together. However, I do not want to feel that I am sharing someone else's love with you, nor do I ever want you to feel that I was in any way responsible in making your decision. Whatever decision there is to be made, be honest with me, and more importantly, be honest with yourself.”

All of us, I dare say, have at some time or other been confronted with at least one dynamic and imponderable decision which we alone must face. And so it happened to me. I had no one to turn to in that fateful hour-no one except myself, my conscience and my God. Whatever decision there was to be made, I alone had to make it. And make it I did. One evening a few days prior to John's being released from the hospital I made the decision which I can truthfully and without equivoca1 tion say I have never regretted. I went to John, my loyal friend.

Society would call our love "abnormal". The words "normal" and "abnormal" are too carelessly thrown about like grass seed in a hurricane. They are poor cliches always at hand to be used upon the slightest provocation. Whenever one's behavior does not lend to our approval, or is in the least way "different" from the status quo, we say it is not "normal". But what is normal-in one group of society or in one part of the world may be quite abnormal in another culture or group. And what is normal behavior for one individual may be abnormal for another.

No one can cure anyone of homosexuality for there is nothing there. to cure. Homosexuality is not a di-

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sease. So has there never been a known "cure" for heterosexuality. All of us in every walk of life and in every type of environment have both homosexual and heterosexual tendencies in varying degrees. The only question is-which one dominates? Our environment, our mental conditioning and our own individuality,determine which road we travel and to what degree to the right, left or middle we go.

The word "cure" should be replaced by the word "understanding". A practical psychiatrist is one who endeavors to turn on the light in order that you may see yourself, thereby to better understand that one person, YOU. The great strides which have been made in the counseling field since the time of Freud and Jung have been with the idea of a better understanding of ourselves-why we think and act the way we do. We only fear those things which we do not understand. If a psychiatrist through his therapy brings out from the dark, deep recesses of the unconscious those things which make you what you are and the reasons why they are there in the first place, if by his intimate and careful probing he can lay bare your soul for you to see those things about you which you may never have seen before, it is then and only then that knowledge and understanding will come to you. When that happens life itself will take on an entirely new look. Your frustrations, your angers, your dreaded fears of the unknown will become less and less, and living will become a better thing indeed..

John's and my travels together on the road of life certainly have not been. entirely without adversities, heartaches, disagreements, misunderstandings, and just plain downright muleishness at times on both of our parts. But when the smoke of 11